Wednesday, October 25, 2006

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific." -- Jane Wagner

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? I don't recall ever being the fun things kids wanted to be like a "Princess", or a "cowboy." For years and years all I wanted to be was a Marine Biologist. But for the life of me, I don't know why or how I came up with that. I loved animals, but I figured I must have heard it on TV and from that moment on decided, hey, that's kewl, I wanna be that. I do even recall, maybe early high-school years, getting brochures in the mail for schools that specialize in Marine Biology.

How many of you are what you wanted to be? I for one am not what I "once" thought I wanted to be, but...."what if?"

I've had people tell me many times, don't think about the WHAT IF'S? But I do, all the time, it actually keeps me awake at times. I know you can't dwell on it (therapy helped with that), but thinking about it can't hurt? lol....right

Not the bad what if's, just the WHAT IF I would have studied to be a Marine Biologist? How much of my life would have changed? Would I be Happy? Just makes you wonder if all the things you wish were different in your life would really make you happy? Just cause you hate your job now, would being what you wanted to be... be the answer to all your questions? Like winning the lottery, would Millions REALLY make you happy.

I don't know, I've just been thinking late of how I wished we could change somethings in our (Glenn and I) lives. Things to make us happy again. Good Changes, some we think maybe be good, but might turn bad. Makes you scared to do anything at all. If you do something and its wrong, you wished you had never done anything at all. I sit and look at us at night; the girls are sleeping and I see Glenn...he's sad. I can see it, I know I am. What can we change, what should we have changed? Right now, we are so unhappy. Not with each other, nothing like that. Just the normal stuff. I think it just that point where we don't know which way to turn, we're drowning.

LESSONS of LIFE?? Anyone know the website where these lessons are taught? Where all the questions have answers? RIGHT answers that is? Sometimes you just have to keep giving, putting up with, and taking crap, for what reason, I don't know yet, I just figure that it will all even itself out soon or later.

Is this not all the biggest pile of HOOP-LA BS you have ever heard? I am in one of those moods. When I can see Glenn is down, it makes me even sadder cause he's my rock. When he don't know what to do, I know we are in trouble.

Anyway, my big sappy ass is crying. (and it don't take much these days) Worse part, I'm here at work eatting lunch. So I better quit before someone walks in on me squalling.

On a funny note, we were headed home last night from Basketball practice, it was a quiet ride home and Hannah-Claire said, "Someone said I was full grown." We all busted out laughing!!!! She is the sunshine in our sky! That little one can see right thru us, all of us. She knew we needed that!

Please overlook the previous junk, have a terrific "YOU" day. Find your happiness and go with it!

"Life's a garden....DIG IT!" ---Joe Dirt